Employment doesn’t come easy during times like these and interviews have become a rarity. Like most devout Christians who visit the church once in a week to pay their respects, I pay visits to prospective employers at least once every month. It all began with a phone call from this lady from HR.
Me: Hello
Lady: Hello, I am calling for xyz securities. Did you apply for the post of a ‘Relationship manager/Dealer’?
(Lots of noise in the background. Lady struggling to speak in English)
Me: Yes Madam.
Lady: Could you come down for an interview tomorrow at 4 PM?
Me: (Ecstatic), YESSS.
In my enthusiasm I forget to take her name.
As I gear myself up for the occasion, I cram up all that I had read till date and try to keep all required figures on my tongue tips with whatever could be stored in my pea-sized brain. I couldn’t fall asleep that night and try to pre-empt all kinds of interview scenarios I could come up with.
Woke up all groggy the next day morning. With the help of tea I try to kick myself out of bed and try to rise and shine. Since the destination was a minimum 2 hours journey from my place, to be on the safer side I start early and reach an hour early on their premises.
As I entered a building “Under Construction” the first thought that crossed my mind was, ‘Gosh,men are really hungry here’. They didn’t mind sizing you up right from bottom to top. As I made my way to the lobby I realized I didn’t have the name of the lady with whom I had to meet. So I call her up only to know that the WALK-IN s were slated in between 4 PM to 6 PM and I thought I was the choooosen one. I waited in their lobby for another hour only to find that the higher you reached the hungrier men got. (BTW the office was on the 8th floor).
Finally the time had come. It was time to meet the masters.I reached the 8th floor and again entered my name on a register and waited along with the 20 other also-rans for my turn. There were no arrangements made for walk ins. It looked more of an impromptu effort. The officeboy or rather the office executive took down our names from the register and called out sequentially. (It’s so strange the term executive has become a catchall phrase for all levels of executives).
Meanwhile the number of candidates increased so was the time for which we were standing. During this display all of us were being looked upon as some exotic creatures who desperately needed that green signal to enter the digital fortress that opened up only when you have served your time. On second thoughts it felt like I was standing in queue to catch a glimpse of the Lords of Tirupati, where one had to wait for hours, except that this time I was standing in an air-conditioned room & none of the men had shaved their heads. The movie rolled on for some more time. To be precise they made all the candidates stand for around an hour till some sane soul had the courtesy to escort all of us into a conference room. The best part was yet to come.
The swanky office consisting of several cubicles had a huge state-of-the-art conference room at the entrance from where one could see what was happening outside, only if the blinds were opened up. Once all of us were seated, the blinds were opened, I found that I was looking at it the other way round, all this while. It was a cagey experience. I felt like some animal in a cage and was meant to be a part of a display or experiment or at best an entertainment troupe. There were several analysts outside to observe our behavior. May be they were all writing their final Ph.D thesis and interviews were the best route to get subjects for free.
Now the office exective comes in and declares the ground rules again. He expected all of us to sort out who would go for the interview and take our turns. Can you imagine the chaos that ensued? All of us vied for the seat closest to the door. So every time a candidate moved out all of us were shifting seats . Today we will make our bones through team work.
After waiting for another half an hour I finally met MASTER around 5:30 PM. He led me into another smaller conference hall. I requested him to reiterate the JD coz my guts told me something was seriously amiss. As he went about the JD I realized that he was trying his best to describe something unpleasant and by this time was accustomed to the look on the candidates face. It was the look when one found oneself on a sinking ship or rather deep S***. The profile was of a Calling Executive, where one had to make cold calls to all HNIs and increase the net worth of their portfolio and maintain relationship with them. Then came the standard pitching...
"The incumbents would receive compensation at par with market standards. It is 10K per month or rather 1.2LPA." But the catch was -> "it would depend on the individual’s skills and talents to exploit the variable component attached to the profile. People are taking anywhere in the range between 5K to 50 K per month. Depends on your convincing ability" (or rather how glib one could get. )
I realized that even the office employees seriously didn’t have much work to do. They could have mentioned all about the profile in the JD on their website and let the candidates make an informed decision for themselves. But I am assuming these guys had to fill up their timesheets and show it to their bosses so that they wouldn’t be handed over the pink slip. I was not asked a single technical question or any questions at all. The interview lasted for hardly 2 minutes with most part of the talking done by the gentleman. So much for a 2 hour ride.
As he tried to make a weak attempt to persuade me, my legs were already getting ready for a marathon run. I somehow could come up with a lame excuse & assured him that i would call him back. On my way out of the building I knew that this was a call I was not going to return in this lifetime.
With a 2 hour journey in between and a growling stomach I somehow made it back to my apartment and treated myself to a sumptuous Chinese course. As I pondered upon what I had learnt from this event, I receive another call from an Executive. This time I will leave it to the audience who must have grown wiser, to guess what to expect from this call. While you interpret I will make my arrangements with this Che(i)f executive who might feed me well after my next meeting with the masters of the universe before i even begin pondering at whats in store for me.
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