O ri Chiraiya
The 29th of December is a sad day. Nirbhaya is no more amongst us. I got to hear this news today in the car, while I’m on the streets of Delhi. I pretend not to be shocked. But I do utter a silent prayer for the girl and feel that this somehow was the best possible end for her, given the brutal and unforgiving circumstances. The society anyhow wouldn’t have allowed her to lead a normal life. But something within me gives in as I hear the non-stop repetition on the radio news station where this is just one more item on their agenda to discuss.
I have been reading about this major headline in the newspaper since the last few days and I just wanted to keep the newspapers & media away from me since it wasn’t giving me a good sense of who I was? A female.
As I try to find out more, I am all agog & livid as my sister gives a complete account of why the girl’s intestines were ruptured. Radio Silence. Time has stopped as I try to take in the goriness of the rape. Do you really need a ROD? I am sad and don’t know what are the sea of thoughts that are churning within me. The radio is playing the Song by Ram Sampath “O Ri Chiraiya”. That somehow does it for me and I burst silently. I’m crying for someone else and can completely feel the angst, the anger, the loathing and the pain that comes with it. Not that this is the 1st time that someone has been raped. This is being talked about so casually. What irks me the most is that I feel helpless. I am trying to find out why.
As 2012 comes to an end, I was thinking of what I should be doing this year of my life just like anyone else. I have everything one can ask for. A family that loves me, a job that keeps me engaged, some bank balance for emergency, friends to talk to in the middle of the night, a good health to bank upon. What are all the above called? Security. Security matters to all of us and it comes in many forms. When I was young and wanted to move out of my house, I read something in my mother’s eyes. It was fear. I dismissed it so easily in my naïve youth which gives everyone the feeling of invincibility. Now I can sense the feeling with which all parents allow their kids to move out of their shelter & try to drill this into us that freedom should not be abused, misused, or even overused. More importantly I think they pray real hard that the villains of the world shouldn’t prey on us.
Coming to the point of helplessness. I am still sleep walking and wish someone would wake me up and stir things inside me so that I do something about this situation. But the sad fact is I’m a coward. I cower for my own safety and those around me. Although I can instigate things and broadcast my views and opinions, shout from rooftops, participate in demonstrations..BUT again fear has me in its grip saying what if you become another Nirbhaya?? We know that the entire country feels for this. I am sure we are praying, Praying hard that God provides the girl’s family strength to bear this loss and girl rests in peace, but above all, we are thanking the almighty that it’s not you, me, us or our family. But it’s not us only THIS TIME. How do I hide from this truth which is staring me in the face? We always think that such things happen to OTHERS only, which is not wrong since a majority of us go through lives unscathed by such instances, accidents, atrocity & violence. May be we got lucky.
Recently the girl’s friend came out in the media who also had to go through this trauma and said that Nirbhaya was more worried about the hospital bills that would have to be paid by her family rather than thinking about her mental trauma. My heart just melted thinking how practical could this girl get? Here she is lying in the bottomless abyss of her life, rather than allowing the soul-corroding memories to flood her, she is providing solace and comfort to her family. Yes, she must have had the feeling of revenge in her heart but she had more important things to worry about. Although she was 23 I think she had the wisdom of ages in her and she knew that she didn’t have much of a chance of finding her faulters or fighting the dubious ways in which our Indian Society works. Shaming the abused rather than the Abusers.
The common man is practical. Tell me whom do you turn to during such events, is it the government, the goons or the gods? You know the answer folks. The common man is practical. He knows how much, when, where and how to stretch. In incidents like these the more practical & realistic approach is to keep quiet since rape is something that a female brings upon herself because of her behavior, dressing habits, talking habits, et al and not because ill-will lurks in the hearts of commit this crime. (As quoted by new wisdom floating around). Really?
My heart reaches out to that family who lost their daughter. Who cares if anybody names a law on her name, honors her, and remembers her? She is gone forever and the void is irreplaceable for the parents and brothers. Her only fault was that day she got into a private bus to reach home at a decent hour of 9 PM and to protect her own dignity she bit the offenders. Alas, the sparrow (Chiriya) has flown forever.
Karma, Dharma, Geeta is all good in theory. When it comes to reality who is to measure it? I don’t have much faith in our judiciary system. It all seems to be one more method & means for politicians & leaders to garner free footage. Even right now whatever is happening with the Fast-track courts all seems to be a pre-election gimmick. Sorry for being politically incorrect but all of us know that this is a complete hogwash. I don’t want to give speeches saying ‘I want to build a safer country for my future generations’. What about us who are living existing now? This country is unsafe and that’s about it. Period. So who is coming to protect me? ___________<>.
Now that I have posted this, I am also scared to think that I might have crossed a line here. I might become one more victim considering the example of the 2 girls who were reprimanded and arrested for posting their views on Facebook on the demise of one of the most influential politicians of the country. All to say that I live a democratic country which allows one the freedom of Speech although Controlled freedom of Speech. Come to think of it, our struggle for independence has been futile. We were able to drive out all the external demons of our country but didn’t realize we had so many demons to deal with internally. And since this was Ghar ka maamla it never came to the spotlight. May be we need another internal strong Andolan to deal with this.
Let’s leave the country aside. Getting on with more domestic issues. First of all my dear fellow gentlemen, pls don’t chuck this article thinking that it is one more rant against the behavior of Men. We are all collectively responsible for this and trust me even you, the men in this society are not safe and spared.
I have not been myself since this incident. These are not minor transgressions. A colleague of mine in office shared a small note with me on his behavior when a lady in office approached him for some help during the evening time around 6 PM. Since her husband had to stay back at the office he wouldn’t be able to pick her up and she requested this colleague to drop her home or close to home (Starting from Electronic City). On further enquiry my colleague found out that the lady’s house was around 9 Kms away from where he stayed. So he agreed to drop her till his place and requested her to take the bus since he would be bored of driving for another 9 Kms. Finally the lady said that it was this 9 Kms stretch that she was afraid to travel since that place is a little deserted and kind of people that she finds on the bus are kind of shady. She approached him since she might have thought that he was a good & secure man, which is a big compliment from a woman. What do you think my colleague did? He tended to his job in the office and couldn’t drop the lady home. I am not saying this is right or wrong. These are day-day situations that we find ourselves in and there is no escaping it. Who is responsible for the safe landing of the lady at her place-> My colleague, the lady’s husband or the lady herself?
My colleague was lamenting about his behavior but he was like that. He was not proud about it neither was he doing anything about it. To add to the point I myself have seen this behavior with my own brother who had arranged for a call taxi so that I could be dropped at 10 PM in the night to board the bus on the outskirts of the city. He owns 2 cars though. Why the Taxi? Because the Worldcup finals were going on and he couldn’t miss it. All that time I was in the taxi I had this sick unrelaxing feeling in my stomach. You know how highways are with few people around. I reached this spot a little early and ended paying up the Taxi Guy 150 bucks extra so that I could sit in his car for 15-20 mins until my bus came or I could find another lady in sight. Finally I could see my bus around and was more than relieved. Those 20 minutes in the car felt like hours to me. All I am trying to say is that I had to buy my security that day. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother very much and I know that he will fight against the world for me. But how many of us can have and wait for such brothers on days like this? On that day I learnt this invaluable lesson that we are all responsible for our own safety no matter how secure/insecure our families makes us feel. I never booked a bus ticket at 10 PM after that (assuming someone else will take care of my arrival & departure). Now I am always off at 8 PM. I don’t know what would happen at the highway after boarding the bus but all I can control is this. Even if I have a flight at 4 AM in the morning, I reach the airport by 8 PM the previous night. Taking risks with your security & safety is never worth it.
Ladies and gentlemen here is the truth. Our country is boiling with a severe case of misplaced anger. I am not even going to make an effort to find out what is the root cause for this, is it sexual repression, ( with a population of more than 1 Billion, I don’t believe this) eating too much of chowmein ( Chinese folks would be raping left and right,no?), not wearing adequate clothes to cover our modesty( we are all walking in our bikinis and there is no imagination involved at all), and reasons galore…
Every day before going to bed if something is troubling me, I just ask myself one question->”Did you do your part?” this can be for any aspect of my life. What do I do for those countless nirbhaya’s? I am wondering if I already know one. There is no point in understanding. Or have we become so lost in our lives that we think our mothers, sisters, wives, daughters girlfriends can never become victims? How about yourself? I feel shallow. But what do I do my audience. All I can say is ‘To each his own.’
I am really unsure if I should be proud of myself or be ashamed to be a part of this society. Guess what the people who are reading this are folks who are just like you and me, who can echo with these sentiments and have been brought up with the same background and mentality. The ones who should be reading this are somewhere in reality asserting their manliness on some man or woman.
All said and done, it’s neither the government nor the goons but it’s a plea to the gods above where we have sent our Nirbhaya Chiriya (Fearless Sparrow) to ask God are you listening? I don’t know of any other doors to knock. Pls help. This country and generation needs you. Think we have lost our hopes, faith & belief with you along with this young girl. Pls send us all these 3 things back. A small ray of hope so that we can believe that the greater society is also an angel guardian for each and everyone in this country where we take care of one another and do not resort to tactics like this to vent out our frustations and disappointments. In the end I also want to join Ram Sampath in singing
“O ri Chiraiya, O Ri Chiraiya, Nanhi si chidiya, Angnaa mein phir aaja re, Andhiyara hai ghana aur lahu se sana, Kirno ke tinke ambar se chunn ke, Angna mein phir aaja re, Angna mein phir aaja”
The 29th of December is a sad day. Nirbhaya is no more amongst us. I got to hear this news today in the car, while I’m on the streets of Delhi. I pretend not to be shocked. But I do utter a silent prayer for the girl and feel that this somehow was the best possible end for her, given the brutal and unforgiving circumstances. The society anyhow wouldn’t have allowed her to lead a normal life. But something within me gives in as I hear the non-stop repetition on the radio news station where this is just one more item on their agenda to discuss.
I have been reading about this major headline in the newspaper since the last few days and I just wanted to keep the newspapers & media away from me since it wasn’t giving me a good sense of who I was? A female.
As I try to find out more, I am all agog & livid as my sister gives a complete account of why the girl’s intestines were ruptured. Radio Silence. Time has stopped as I try to take in the goriness of the rape. Do you really need a ROD? I am sad and don’t know what are the sea of thoughts that are churning within me. The radio is playing the Song by Ram Sampath “O Ri Chiraiya”. That somehow does it for me and I burst silently. I’m crying for someone else and can completely feel the angst, the anger, the loathing and the pain that comes with it. Not that this is the 1st time that someone has been raped. This is being talked about so casually. What irks me the most is that I feel helpless. I am trying to find out why.
As 2012 comes to an end, I was thinking of what I should be doing this year of my life just like anyone else. I have everything one can ask for. A family that loves me, a job that keeps me engaged, some bank balance for emergency, friends to talk to in the middle of the night, a good health to bank upon. What are all the above called? Security. Security matters to all of us and it comes in many forms. When I was young and wanted to move out of my house, I read something in my mother’s eyes. It was fear. I dismissed it so easily in my naïve youth which gives everyone the feeling of invincibility. Now I can sense the feeling with which all parents allow their kids to move out of their shelter & try to drill this into us that freedom should not be abused, misused, or even overused. More importantly I think they pray real hard that the villains of the world shouldn’t prey on us.
Coming to the point of helplessness. I am still sleep walking and wish someone would wake me up and stir things inside me so that I do something about this situation. But the sad fact is I’m a coward. I cower for my own safety and those around me. Although I can instigate things and broadcast my views and opinions, shout from rooftops, participate in demonstrations..BUT again fear has me in its grip saying what if you become another Nirbhaya?? We know that the entire country feels for this. I am sure we are praying, Praying hard that God provides the girl’s family strength to bear this loss and girl rests in peace, but above all, we are thanking the almighty that it’s not you, me, us or our family. But it’s not us only THIS TIME. How do I hide from this truth which is staring me in the face? We always think that such things happen to OTHERS only, which is not wrong since a majority of us go through lives unscathed by such instances, accidents, atrocity & violence. May be we got lucky.
Recently the girl’s friend came out in the media who also had to go through this trauma and said that Nirbhaya was more worried about the hospital bills that would have to be paid by her family rather than thinking about her mental trauma. My heart just melted thinking how practical could this girl get? Here she is lying in the bottomless abyss of her life, rather than allowing the soul-corroding memories to flood her, she is providing solace and comfort to her family. Yes, she must have had the feeling of revenge in her heart but she had more important things to worry about. Although she was 23 I think she had the wisdom of ages in her and she knew that she didn’t have much of a chance of finding her faulters or fighting the dubious ways in which our Indian Society works. Shaming the abused rather than the Abusers.
The common man is practical. Tell me whom do you turn to during such events, is it the government, the goons or the gods? You know the answer folks. The common man is practical. He knows how much, when, where and how to stretch. In incidents like these the more practical & realistic approach is to keep quiet since rape is something that a female brings upon herself because of her behavior, dressing habits, talking habits, et al and not because ill-will lurks in the hearts of commit this crime. (As quoted by new wisdom floating around). Really?
My heart reaches out to that family who lost their daughter. Who cares if anybody names a law on her name, honors her, and remembers her? She is gone forever and the void is irreplaceable for the parents and brothers. Her only fault was that day she got into a private bus to reach home at a decent hour of 9 PM and to protect her own dignity she bit the offenders. Alas, the sparrow (Chiriya) has flown forever.
Karma, Dharma, Geeta is all good in theory. When it comes to reality who is to measure it? I don’t have much faith in our judiciary system. It all seems to be one more method & means for politicians & leaders to garner free footage. Even right now whatever is happening with the Fast-track courts all seems to be a pre-election gimmick. Sorry for being politically incorrect but all of us know that this is a complete hogwash. I don’t want to give speeches saying ‘I want to build a safer country for my future generations’. What about us who are living existing now? This country is unsafe and that’s about it. Period. So who is coming to protect me? ___________<
Now that I have posted this, I am also scared to think that I might have crossed a line here. I might become one more victim considering the example of the 2 girls who were reprimanded and arrested for posting their views on Facebook on the demise of one of the most influential politicians of the country. All to say that I live a democratic country which allows one the freedom of Speech although Controlled freedom of Speech. Come to think of it, our struggle for independence has been futile. We were able to drive out all the external demons of our country but didn’t realize we had so many demons to deal with internally. And since this was Ghar ka maamla it never came to the spotlight. May be we need another internal strong Andolan to deal with this.
Let’s leave the country aside. Getting on with more domestic issues. First of all my dear fellow gentlemen, pls don’t chuck this article thinking that it is one more rant against the behavior of Men. We are all collectively responsible for this and trust me even you, the men in this society are not safe and spared.
I have not been myself since this incident. These are not minor transgressions. A colleague of mine in office shared a small note with me on his behavior when a lady in office approached him for some help during the evening time around 6 PM. Since her husband had to stay back at the office he wouldn’t be able to pick her up and she requested this colleague to drop her home or close to home (Starting from Electronic City). On further enquiry my colleague found out that the lady’s house was around 9 Kms away from where he stayed. So he agreed to drop her till his place and requested her to take the bus since he would be bored of driving for another 9 Kms. Finally the lady said that it was this 9 Kms stretch that she was afraid to travel since that place is a little deserted and kind of people that she finds on the bus are kind of shady. She approached him since she might have thought that he was a good & secure man, which is a big compliment from a woman. What do you think my colleague did? He tended to his job in the office and couldn’t drop the lady home. I am not saying this is right or wrong. These are day-day situations that we find ourselves in and there is no escaping it. Who is responsible for the safe landing of the lady at her place-> My colleague, the lady’s husband or the lady herself?
My colleague was lamenting about his behavior but he was like that. He was not proud about it neither was he doing anything about it. To add to the point I myself have seen this behavior with my own brother who had arranged for a call taxi so that I could be dropped at 10 PM in the night to board the bus on the outskirts of the city. He owns 2 cars though. Why the Taxi? Because the Worldcup finals were going on and he couldn’t miss it. All that time I was in the taxi I had this sick unrelaxing feeling in my stomach. You know how highways are with few people around. I reached this spot a little early and ended paying up the Taxi Guy 150 bucks extra so that I could sit in his car for 15-20 mins until my bus came or I could find another lady in sight. Finally I could see my bus around and was more than relieved. Those 20 minutes in the car felt like hours to me. All I am trying to say is that I had to buy my security that day. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother very much and I know that he will fight against the world for me. But how many of us can have and wait for such brothers on days like this? On that day I learnt this invaluable lesson that we are all responsible for our own safety no matter how secure/insecure our families makes us feel. I never booked a bus ticket at 10 PM after that (assuming someone else will take care of my arrival & departure). Now I am always off at 8 PM. I don’t know what would happen at the highway after boarding the bus but all I can control is this. Even if I have a flight at 4 AM in the morning, I reach the airport by 8 PM the previous night. Taking risks with your security & safety is never worth it.
Ladies and gentlemen here is the truth. Our country is boiling with a severe case of misplaced anger. I am not even going to make an effort to find out what is the root cause for this, is it sexual repression, ( with a population of more than 1 Billion, I don’t believe this) eating too much of chowmein ( Chinese folks would be raping left and right,no?), not wearing adequate clothes to cover our modesty( we are all walking in our bikinis and there is no imagination involved at all), and reasons galore…
Every day before going to bed if something is troubling me, I just ask myself one question->”Did you do your part?” this can be for any aspect of my life. What do I do for those countless nirbhaya’s? I am wondering if I already know one. There is no point in understanding. Or have we become so lost in our lives that we think our mothers, sisters, wives, daughters girlfriends can never become victims? How about yourself? I feel shallow. But what do I do my audience. All I can say is ‘To each his own.’
I am really unsure if I should be proud of myself or be ashamed to be a part of this society. Guess what the people who are reading this are folks who are just like you and me, who can echo with these sentiments and have been brought up with the same background and mentality. The ones who should be reading this are somewhere in reality asserting their manliness on some man or woman.
All said and done, it’s neither the government nor the goons but it’s a plea to the gods above where we have sent our Nirbhaya Chiriya (Fearless Sparrow) to ask God are you listening? I don’t know of any other doors to knock. Pls help. This country and generation needs you. Think we have lost our hopes, faith & belief with you along with this young girl. Pls send us all these 3 things back. A small ray of hope so that we can believe that the greater society is also an angel guardian for each and everyone in this country where we take care of one another and do not resort to tactics like this to vent out our frustations and disappointments. In the end I also want to join Ram Sampath in singing
“O ri Chiraiya, O Ri Chiraiya, Nanhi si chidiya, Angnaa mein phir aaja re, Andhiyara hai ghana aur lahu se sana, Kirno ke tinke ambar se chunn ke, Angna mein phir aaja re, Angna mein phir aaja”
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