Bande Ache Hain

We live in a bizarre generation. We find multiple ways to communicate through texts, phones, emails, WhatsApp, twitter, blogs, but very slowly are we learning the practice of expressing our love through actions without the need for words. Women have always been categorized into a group where they are evolutionarily expressive or rather over-expressive in anything that they say & even expect.


I have no doubt you have your share of the women who just make you keep your mouth shut and listen to them actively/passively till they have come clean with all they have had in their minds. Blah blah blah…. Phew…You are eternally at the receiving end. Still the top list of women- cribs involve.. “You don’t EVER listen to me”, “Why don’t you understand”, “You Always do this”, “Grrr”……

Coming down to Men. I really feel for you guys. But times are changing.

Call it a happy coincidence or happidence I caught myself staring at a transforming male-female equation in India, with men having a huge role to play. The modern day man is here to stay & has come back in a big way. (Not bad for a rhyme).

Retail therapy is one of my best friends and as I set out that day to Shopper’s stop I couldn’t believe what I saw. On the ladies floor, almost 80% of the trial rooms had men standing outside. Why? Coz they either had their wives, fiancées, girl-friends inside the trail rooms, who valued their opinion on what they bought to adorn themselves. Fair enough. After all they wanted to look a million bucks for their guys. Some of the dialogues went like this “Is this looking good?”, “Can you get me a bigger/smaller size in this?” & What do you think was the comment from the other side. Not a very predictable “Yes” or “No”. But it was mind blowing to see that the men said “You should try another color”, “Go with this one”, “after the fitting it would look like this”, “Nice”. I know you have your eyes and jaws dropping till the floor, Ladies.

Not only that. I had my heart in my mouth that men were doing this with 1-2 year old toddlers running around them, in baby-strollers, screaming, shouting & they were handling all this with equal panache & calmness. I might as well have fainted. This was uber-cool by all standards. I won’t lie by saying that all of them were the same. Some men were utterly embarrassed to be doing this and went into the eye-hiding-mode when other women were looking at them, what they might have believed, with questioning eyes. In fact, I bet, each and every woman on the floor was floored by these men and were only wanting to give them the appreciative glances for bringing out this new-man out in style & wondering “If only my man were like this”.

Somewhere in your mind you are thinking did I step out on a Gay-day. Come on Woman Don’t be cynical. Call it training or the flat learning curve. Men have come to understand that their success both in the bedroom and the boardroom lies with the woman that they have chosen to spend their lives with. By showing their care and concern, in public or private, will not make them any less of a man. If only they had known that it was so easy to woo a (woo)man.

With this new insight as I search around, the universe is opening up to me with new proof points. Men are OK with carrying their wife’s & mother’s handbags openly. I cannot admire enough their smartness. May be all men didn’t have any issues doing it earlier but the societal rules dictated their behavior. Now they are bending all of it, liking the liberation that comes with it and living in a no-holds barred environment. They are involving themselves in all decisions that have traditionally been a woman’s turf-> the plebian task from choosing what vegetables and fruits to eat, groceries continued with buying shoes, slippers, perfumes, jewellery, gadgets, till the big ticket items like vehicles, home-loans & holidays. In short, everything under the sun.

The Indian advertising industry is leaving no stone unturned in capturing this new avatar of a man. A couple of them being, an old man in an Idea Cellular ad bringing in a single-stemmed-rose-flower to express his love to his wife on a Valentine’s day, with the instant quip from the wife, asking him why he didn’t buy a Cauliflower instead, followed by the ICICI Prudential Life Insurance ad on the forgetful-disorganized behavior of good-hearted men and many more.

If this is not proof enough then I can tell you the story of my friend who cooks every day of his marriage and just enjoys the look on his wife’s face, when after a long day at work she finds food to be served with a genuine smile from her hubby. If this is not a miracle then I don’t know what is.

Let me take this moment to applaud all these men who are defacing the myth of the stereotyped man. Guess they have always been caring & conservative but it’s only now that they are finding their feet & looking-caring at what truly matters. I’m left wondering, what in a few years if they become more expressive than women. But who cares. Every expression is welcome when we have waited so long for them. Kudos to the Modern man! Bande sahi mein ache hain!

A Second Chance

Right from childhood I have heard some phrases and philosophies which are extremely confusing yet convenient. Those two phrases would be->


I. There are no 2nd chances/ Opportunity never knocks twice on a man’s door

II. When God closes a door he opens a second one/Life always offers a second chance

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times people have thrown these phrases my way depending on the circumstances. Not to say that these are right or wrong but these two thought processes have made their way through ages and certainly make or mar one’s success and fulfillment quotient in life.

Will let you in on a small story. One of my friends is on the cusp of her 40s and has a 6 year old daughter. I was very happy to be attending her wedding recently. Ok, I can see the question mark on your face. In India we get married first and then have kids. Fair enough. She got married a few years back, had this cute little kid and then her marriage was up in flames. Nothing, no amount of convincing and compromises would work. It was irreparable and they had reached a point beyond reconciliation. So they ultimately had to do the most debilitating & dreaded thing-> Divorce. It is a conflicting, difficult, painful and a soul-corroding experience. You wouldn’t wish it on your enemy. In our self-proclaimed educated society, Divorce is symbolic of a person who is a failure, doesn’t value relationships and the SELFISH one. But what do you do when life hands over a lemon to you.

Let me not delve into the mysteries & miseries of Divorce. The Happy news is I saw my friend getting married. Again! Trust me she was looking content but all through the wedding there was a palpable discomfort. Her eyes were only for her daughter and even in the middle of the hustle-bustle I think I caught her brooding whether this was the best decision she could take for her growing daughter who will need a father figure at some point in her life. Life was offering a 2nd chance. Whether this decision was good or bad, that only time will tell. But what mattered was that she took it.

I read somewhere that we have been programmed to look at all the negative things in life. We all err and make mistakes all the time. We allow life to batter and bruise us in ways and manners which are beyond belief. But then even more unbelievable is our inability to forgive ourselves. Our ability to look beyond those mistakes and say ‘OK Boss..I Screwed up.. Screwed up big time. What now?’. We are not concerned of what the society at large opines about it/us. This is a myth. The society is just on top of our long list of excuses. It’s our own thinking which stops us from taking that leap of faith and say “So what? I still deserve one more chance”. The best part is we have a tough time admitting that we want a second chance, since we don’t think we deserve it. It just doesn’t come till our lips.

90% of the time, life gives us second chances and even more. A 2nd chance is only the first one delivered better or the 1st opportunity capitalized the 2nd time. We don’t know how this one will shape up but we need to allow ourselves to explore & find out if our 1st understanding of ourselves due to such failures is true even to this date. After all, aren’t we constantly evolving?

Now I am actually wondering what are the things that you do only once in your life? May be a world tour or a 10th /12th board exam or aging which is irreversible. I see a lot of parents labeling their kids as losers or imagining their kids doomed to failure based on the scores in their exams, be it college, school, KINDERGARTEN??..We all keep giving exams day in and day out, money handling, Driving, Eating, Exercising, Working, Sleeping, Loving…a long list.. albeit there are no tags to it like the crowned ones like Marriage, Parenting, Work,… But we unknowingly give ourselves 2nd chances in the former. Why not for the latter?

Life is not a series of events lined up one after the event that if we fail to deliver the first wicket all the other things that we aim for would slip away, rendering a dominos effect. Life is random so are our thoughts and beliefs about certain subjects at every point in life.

This doesn’t mean that you go about investing all your hard earned money in the stock market to check if the market offers you a 2nd chance. The stock market is a game of emotions. Emotions of millions, whom the stock universe knows how to entice and behave in a certain way. Not the main point here though. Have you wondered how many failures an entrepreneur goes through before succeeding? Edison failed a 1000 times before creating the correct bulb. These distant examples won’t help you. Let me come back.

One of my friends, he got married the first time and got divorced. He got married the second time and guess what happened, he got divorced again. Now what? Can you believe that he got married again!! Now he has a kid as well and he seems to be at ease with who he is and whatever he has done in his life. You already have your mouth agape by now. Take some time digesting it. 10 years, 2 divorces, 3 marriages. How many people do you know, who can proclaim that they have been 3rd time successful in marriage (Ohh without the earlier spouse departing for heaven?). This guy thought and felt he deserved more and so he asked for it.

The depressing aspect is we have a pivotal role in denying ourselves 2nd chances, denying & stalling our growth. We deny new experiences, people, luck, money, lady, etc coming into our lives. Denying our destiny. All said and done if you still regret & fear, all the opportunities that you didn’t take, mon amie reassess your situation, prepare, do your part and if you hear a resounding yes from within, ASK,ASK for a 2nd chance and life will give it to you. If not now wait for some time and ASK again. After all how many times can one refuse? Life is ruthless but she is not shameless coz she also wants you to give her a second chance.

Assurance

Nope. This is not a blog on Insurance or the types of products they sell for assurance. This is an even more tangible product.



On a Saturday morning, all I was trying to do was to get out of my bed. It’s 9 AM already. Luckily I don’t have much on my to-do list & I try to wake up without guilt. Out of the blue I get a call from this friend of mine with whom I have been playing a game of missed calls. When I would call her she would be busy and when she would call I would be busy. For some reason this had become a practice. Today, although I was in my morning slumber, I took the call & spoke to her.



This friend of mine is a mother of two beautiful girls, a good daughter-in-law and an excellent wife. She understands her role very well in life and is one of the happiest people I have seen who has the courage & sensibility to delay her dreams for a while, to be with her kids and family. She quit her job for her girls, who are at a very impressionable age (One is 3 and the other is 6) and want their mother to be with them 24X7. Her hubby also came across a good man and he wanted his wife to do all that she cared for in her life. Could one ask for more?



While talking to her, I could sense that something was tugging at her. She seemed a little depressed, worried over the state of things and moreover there was a loss. Loss of self-confidence in her voice. Both of us had met at a foreign language class and she wanted to start teaching in that language. To that effect she was continuing her classes at the institute but the teachers at the institute didn’t think she was up to it and wanted her to go back to the basic levels and then come back to this 6th level. This was a little jarring for her, since she bought this as the entire truth.



As a friend I heard her out and found that this was the chicken in her that was speaking. She also knew this and wanted to know some more portion of the truth. After half an hour of talking, both of us came to the conclusion that what everyone around her was saying was Bull. (Pardon my words). Now she is OK and is still continuing with her fight to get closer to her dreams under all the constraints that life has to offer. It’s funny and stupid as to how easily we allow events, circumstances and people to discourage & dissuade us. (If I may add, people whom we don’t even know or who don’t know us). It’s become one of our rights. Right to be pushed around by others/strangers. Confounding isn’t it?



My friend was looking for an assurance that she could do it and she still had it in her. How often do we look for this assurance in all the wrong places? The biggest place we look for it is the Office. We want our colleagues and seniors to praise us and appreciate our existence. Well an honest admission. I have been there and I still do it at times. Sad fact->The Corporation is not a place to pacify or allay your fears. It is neither an insurance nor an assurance company. The business of a business is to do business and we are the conduits through which it gets it done. The same holds true for the language institute too. Then why do we do this to ourselves time and again?



That brings me to another assurance point. Facebook. I would like to call it the Jealousy book. (I can already hear you disagreeing with me.) It’s all goody-goody feeling book because when people post about all the things happening in their lives they wait for that assurance and comments from others in the form of ‘Likes’. Tell me how often you see people tell the truth about their lives in these books. It’s all half-baked. Well packaged. To add to that, we very aptly take it on Face Value. Of course FB is turning us all into good marketers but is doing a bad job at showing the reality. When people keep doing it every now and then there is this inherent question that so many things are happening in their lives and why not mine? There comes in the green-eyed monster. I just cannot tolerate Facebook. Although I know that people are only showing the good things in their lives, I can feel happy only for the 15-20 people in my life with whom I regularly interact personally coz I know the story behind the scenes and it is never a bed of roses. So when I post my pics and status, how can my FB friends (other than the 20) like and provide assurance to me?



It is unbelievable that we tend to fall for such sources of assurances. I am not saying that they are bad but they are not viable. A short term fix for a long term problem.



I recently came across this word called “Schadenfreude” which means to feel good about the misfortunes of others. Initially I thought that this was just a negative concept. But the penny dropped when on a not-so-good night I found myself howling and crying. I didn’t log on facebook or turn to my outlook inbox or work, but I called my sister. She knew something was amiss and the only thing she told me was “Mujhe tere problems sunna acha lagta hai kyunki mein apna sochna band karti hoon”. (I like to hear your problems coz it makes me stop thinking about mine) and there was my answer, that all of us are in this shit together and it is tangible things and people whom you know, can truly provide the required validation and verification you are looking for. In short you feel assured.

Respect

It’s a normal day at office and I'm on my way to the pantry to fetch a cup of tea for myself. You know the drill right. There are already enough people there, waiting in queue or jumping the line to get sugar, milk, hot water, coffee concentration or the stirrer or the cup. Today as I entered the pantry, I saw 2 other folks who were in there and I went about my routine getting the cup. It was just the 3 of us. Going by their costumes, these gentlemen looked like someone who were in our company for doing some paint and repairing work. Their clothes were crumpled, torn and also had some paint on it.


One gentleman was standing next to the vending machine, figuring out what to do. While I proceeded towards it, the 2nd one instructed the one near the machine “Give way to the lady.” The 1st one immediately moved away and stood aside. I was taken aback. I told them that it was OK and they were not slowing me down in any way. Still he insisted the man to move away and they waited on the side of the room till I was finished. All this while I was thinking that they didn’t need to do this. Finally when I was done I told the gentleman that “Aapne humhe itni izzat di, humko bahut acha laga” (You showed a lot of respect for me, I felt very good). There was a smile on his face and we parted.

How many of us do these in day to day life- show respect or say thankyou. Both of them were easily 15-20 yrs elder to me and belonged to a religion with which we are constantly fighting & blaming. Both of them thought that being an employee here, the first right on the machine was mine and not theirs, even though they were there first. But they waited out patiently.

The need to feel important is inherent in all of us and as we age or grow bigger in our jobs, we want others to show this respect to us. Why? Because we came here first. How often do we do it the other way round? It was a simple act and yet I am blogging about it.

Rich Dad, Poor Dad

P.S: This post is not for those who are not bothered by their financial situation or debt. If you are still reading this then you are on the wrong page. For the rest pls proceed.


Rich Dad, Poor Dad was authored by Robert Kiyosaki and still sells a good number of copies which only proves the unique point of view that the author has brought in terms of Financial Education. I first came across this book in 2005 and had cursorily glanced through it thinking it was written only for the Rich. Somehow this book was parked at the back of my head and when I read it again there were enough gems of Wisdom that I have to share with you my readers.

So what is the story of your life? Wake up, go to office, work, come home, relax. Cycle repeats. Come month end you get your salary and although it puts a smile on your face there are enough people standing outside your door to be paid. (Rent, Phone bill, internet bill, medical bills, education loan……) the list can challenge the heights of Mt. Everest. Monthly cycle continues. Now you are excited coz you have your appraisal coming along and you are secretly aiming for a double digit % hike in your salary. But your boss and the organization think otherwise. So what do you do? You join a new company and all the above continues. Job cycles continue and the number of people knocking on your door during the month end also increases.(New additions on the list->Credit card bills, car loan, home loan, golf club membership,..). Now you are at the end of your life and when you look back you see that all this while money has been dominating & defining a major part of your life. Story of our lives. Next generation comes in and again begins this Rat race.

When the author was a child he had 2 fathers. One was his genetic father, whom he refers to as his poor dad, who had a doctorate and believed big-time in education. His Rich dad was his best friend’s father who taught him the ropes to become rich, was a 9th grade dropout and also a big believer in education. The stark contrast in the ways, his both fathers viewed money made it easier for Robert, to choose what kind of life he wanted to lead. A Rich life. The book commences with a note saying that Schools seldom prepare children for the real-world and one of the most dangerous advice that a parent can give to his kid is “Go to School, get good grades and look for a safe, secure Job.” Money makes the mare go and although we realize it at a very early stage of our lives we come to understand its full import only when a fair share of our income starts reaching the government coffers. How much of financial education has your school imparted to you? (Apart from simple Interest and compound Interest.) Not much. Most of us learn about handling money from our parents. Even I did. So who is it that your parents pay out to?

When you are working, the money that your employer pays to you, works for him first, next when you received your salary the money works for the government in the form of taxes, then when you pay out your mortgage the money starts working for the bank, when you pay your expenses it is again working for someone else. When is your money working for you? Rarely or never.

I know you are going to argue with me like “My company doesn’t pay me well”, “I don’t get enough Salary even though I have a post-graduation degree and a doctorate”, “I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth like others”, “I have a big family and bigger responsibilities”, “I have to pay my debts” & the best one “What do you know?”.

The Rich are rich coz they have a solid understanding of how money works and how to keep it working for them & their generations to come. Most of the rich folks who are termed as “Old Money” put their mouth where the money is. How many of these folks have you seen go bankrupt when compared with the “New Monies” the ones who have had a windfall and are enjoying the riches. But within a short span of time they are broke and are living on the streets.

A formal education from Stanford, Harvard, IIM is not an indication of your genius or greatness. It’s a definition of you being cast into the mould set by the corporate world. Look at some exceptionally rich & successful people like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates who were college dropouts and still made it super- big. We might be tempted to believe that they got lucky, but they were very educated in the fields in which they shined and contributed. They knew what they wanted to be educated in. I agree not all of us can become them. We commoners seek more traditional routes.

Our fundamental problem lies with our antiquated education system. They focus more on our scholastic skills and prepare us for standard jobs in the corporates, producing bean-counters. Pls tell me that you have used trigonometry, history, literature in your jobs. I have not. I think that along with “Financial Education” the modern schools needs courses more on the lines of, “Creative thinking”, “When & where to Imagine”, “Stop Rote-ing”, “You are not in a competition” & “Be Yourself”.

In his book, from a very young age Robert read and understood his fathers’ attitudes towards money. One was always in a mode that said There-is-nothing-one-can-do-about-it. The other one was more of a What-can-I-do-about-it type. The rules by which the rich play are different that the rest of the 95%. There is not a hint of victimhood in its voice.

The story begins with Robert and his best friend Mike, deciding to get rich at an age of 9 with both of them being very close to casting nickels out of lead & literally minting money. After comprehending the futility and illegality of their work, both of them decided to work in Mike’s father’s warehouses. Within the first few weeks of their initiation into the job, the boys displayed traits of typical employees of “I’m being paid Peanuts”, “I’ve Worked overtime”, “I deserve this raise”, “My boss is a jerk”, “I Quit!”. After this drama Rich dad began his formal training and the lessons began to unfold. It has taken more than a decade or two, for the author to implement the below. He didn’t build his empire in one day and neither can we (unless we have rich billionaire fathers). Here are the lessons.

Lesson No. 1-> It’s fear that keeps most people working. Fear of losing their jobs, fear of not paying their bills, the fear of starting over, fear of a steady income not flowing in. Your employer will pay you only so much so that you won’t quit and an employee will ask for a hike only so much that the employer doesn’t fire him. The Rich completely avoid this loop. They don’t work for Money. They make money work for them.

Lesson No. 2-> Emotions of fear and greed have the entire mankind under its control. The moment we are able to master these emotions, half the battle against money is won. The pattern of fear and greed is vicious, one breeding the other. First the fear of money makes us work, then when we have money, the greed to own and buy things and then again the fear to make more money to maintain those incremental aspirations and greed, pushes us to march to work. The Rich learn to control, observe and make these emotions their trusted allies. They don’t react to their emotions.

Lesson No. 3-> It’s not how much money you make, it’s how much you keep & how many generations you keep. Hence financial literacy is an absolute must. Once this foundation of financial education is laid, it becomes easier to survive the vicissitudes of life. One of the basic things to understand is the difference between an asset and a liability. The author’s simple definition is “Anything that puts money IN your pocket is an asset; anything that takes it OUT is a liability.” Your mortgage, customer loans, credit cards are all liabilities which go out in the form of your monthly expenses. Asset means stocks, bonds, real estate, intellectual property which add to your income in the form of dividends, interest, rental income, and royalties. The rich focus on keeping their liabilities down and tune more into increasing their income through their assets so that their expenses are covered by their income from these assets.

Lesson No. 4-> Mind your own business. We have financial struggles since we work for someone else all our lives. Working for oneself brings in a complete transformation in the way we view the world and money, in short, our own business makes us more financially astute. The author encourages one to maintain their day job but try having a night job or weekend job which allows you to develop skills other than the one required at your job.

Lesson No. 5-> Understand Taxes. The number one expense for most folks is taxes. One is taxed when one earns, when one spends, when one saves and even when one dies. What history suggests is that taxes came into existence only to be levied on the rich so that their money could be redistributed/ recirculated amongst the poor & the middle class. Modern day taxes suggest that a major burden of the taxes is paid only by the middle class and more so by the upper middle class. The rich took help of their accountants, attorneys and the corporation to win more contracts from the government and reduce this tax effect. There are several advantages that a corporation gets that an individual doesn’t

Lesson No. 6-> Build your Financial IQ. The 4 pillars of your Financial IQ are Accounting, Investing, Markets and Law which translates into the ability to read financial statements, experimenting with the science and art of money making, figuring out the supply-demand dynamics of the market and being on the right side of the law.

Lesson No.7-> Work to learn, don’t work for money. Our job and education all prepare us for specialization in one field. Specialization is dangerous especially if you plan on making money since it limits your view and understanding of the larger world. Try taking jobs that expose you to new fields and you get to learn skills, skill like selling, negotiating, et al.

The author also completely understands that most of us are set in our ways and we will face obstacles both internal and external which will hamper us from reaching the goal of financial independence. Some of them are fear, cynicism, inertia, laziness. But just imagine a day when we don’t have to go to work, get up in the morning, don’t have to worry about meeting the impending deadline at office, sweat about paying your bills and concentrate on the assignments that truly matters to us. How many such days have you had in the last month?

By this time you have some drift of the concept that I have been trying to tell here. This book is a must read for all those who want to learn about money and the role of human behavior. (Behavior finance) .There are a lot of things that I would like to say but that would call for another blog. Although it has been years since I have read this book, I am a long way from my financial independence but it has provided me a vital lesson about myself as to why am I holding on to my job & behave in a certain way. But I’m taking baby steps towards this goal and maybe someday I’ll be on the other side of the bridge and wonder what the race was all about.

O Ri Chiraiya

O ri Chiraiya


The 29th of December is a sad day. Nirbhaya is no more amongst us. I got to hear this news today in the car, while I’m on the streets of Delhi. I pretend not to be shocked. But I do utter a silent prayer for the girl and feel that this somehow was the best possible end for her, given the brutal and unforgiving circumstances. The society anyhow wouldn’t have allowed her to lead a normal life. But something within me gives in as I hear the non-stop repetition on the radio news station where this is just one more item on their agenda to discuss.

I have been reading about this major headline in the newspaper since the last few days and I just wanted to keep the newspapers & media away from me since it wasn’t giving me a good sense of who I was? A female.

As I try to find out more, I am all agog & livid as my sister gives a complete account of why the girl’s intestines were ruptured. Radio Silence. Time has stopped as I try to take in the goriness of the rape. Do you really need a ROD? I am sad and don’t know what are the sea of thoughts that are churning within me. The radio is playing the Song by Ram Sampath “O Ri Chiraiya”. That somehow does it for me and I burst silently. I’m crying for someone else and can completely feel the angst, the anger, the loathing and the pain that comes with it. Not that this is the 1st time that someone has been raped. This is being talked about so casually. What irks me the most is that I feel helpless. I am trying to find out why.

As 2012 comes to an end, I was thinking of what I should be doing this year of my life just like anyone else. I have everything one can ask for. A family that loves me, a job that keeps me engaged, some bank balance for emergency, friends to talk to in the middle of the night, a good health to bank upon. What are all the above called? Security. Security matters to all of us and it comes in many forms. When I was young and wanted to move out of my house, I read something in my mother’s eyes. It was fear. I dismissed it so easily in my naïve youth which gives everyone the feeling of invincibility. Now I can sense the feeling with which all parents allow their kids to move out of their shelter & try to drill this into us that freedom should not be abused, misused, or even overused. More importantly I think they pray real hard that the villains of the world shouldn’t prey on us.

Coming to the point of helplessness. I am still sleep walking and wish someone would wake me up and stir things inside me so that I do something about this situation. But the sad fact is I’m a coward. I cower for my own safety and those around me. Although I can instigate things and broadcast my views and opinions, shout from rooftops, participate in demonstrations..BUT again fear has me in its grip saying what if you become another Nirbhaya?? We know that the entire country feels for this. I am sure we are praying, Praying hard that God provides the girl’s family strength to bear this loss and girl rests in peace, but above all, we are thanking the almighty that it’s not you, me, us or our family. But it’s not us only THIS TIME. How do I hide from this truth which is staring me in the face? We always think that such things happen to OTHERS only, which is not wrong since a majority of us go through lives unscathed by such instances, accidents, atrocity & violence. May be we got lucky.

Recently the girl’s friend came out in the media who also had to go through this trauma and said that Nirbhaya was more worried about the hospital bills that would have to be paid by her family rather than thinking about her mental trauma. My heart just melted thinking how practical could this girl get? Here she is lying in the bottomless abyss of her life, rather than allowing the soul-corroding memories to flood her, she is providing solace and comfort to her family. Yes, she must have had the feeling of revenge in her heart but she had more important things to worry about. Although she was 23 I think she had the wisdom of ages in her and she knew that she didn’t have much of a chance of finding her faulters or fighting the dubious ways in which our Indian Society works. Shaming the abused rather than the Abusers.

The common man is practical. Tell me whom do you turn to during such events, is it the government, the goons or the gods? You know the answer folks. The common man is practical. He knows how much, when, where and how to stretch. In incidents like these the more practical & realistic approach is to keep quiet since rape is something that a female brings upon herself because of her behavior, dressing habits, talking habits, et al and not because ill-will lurks in the hearts of commit this crime. (As quoted by new wisdom floating around). Really?

My heart reaches out to that family who lost their daughter. Who cares if anybody names a law on her name, honors her, and remembers her? She is gone forever and the void is irreplaceable for the parents and brothers. Her only fault was that day she got into a private bus to reach home at a decent hour of 9 PM and to protect her own dignity she bit the offenders. Alas, the sparrow (Chiriya) has flown forever.

Karma, Dharma, Geeta is all good in theory. When it comes to reality who is to measure it? I don’t have much faith in our judiciary system. It all seems to be one more method & means for politicians & leaders to garner free footage. Even right now whatever is happening with the Fast-track courts all seems to be a pre-election gimmick. Sorry for being politically incorrect but all of us know that this is a complete hogwash. I don’t want to give speeches saying ‘I want to build a safer country for my future generations’. What about us who are living existing now? This country is unsafe and that’s about it. Period. So who is coming to protect me? ___________<>.

Now that I have posted this, I am also scared to think that I might have crossed a line here. I might become one more victim considering the example of the 2 girls who were reprimanded and arrested for posting their views on Facebook on the demise of one of the most influential politicians of the country. All to say that I live a democratic country which allows one the freedom of Speech although Controlled freedom of Speech. Come to think of it, our struggle for independence has been futile. We were able to drive out all the external demons of our country but didn’t realize we had so many demons to deal with internally. And since this was Ghar ka maamla it never came to the spotlight. May be we need another internal strong Andolan to deal with this.

Let’s leave the country aside. Getting on with more domestic issues. First of all my dear fellow gentlemen, pls don’t chuck this article thinking that it is one more rant against the behavior of Men. We are all collectively responsible for this and trust me even you, the men in this society are not safe and spared.

I have not been myself since this incident. These are not minor transgressions. A colleague of mine in office shared a small note with me on his behavior when a lady in office approached him for some help during the evening time around 6 PM. Since her husband had to stay back at the office he wouldn’t be able to pick her up and she requested this colleague to drop her home or close to home (Starting from Electronic City). On further enquiry my colleague found out that the lady’s house was around 9 Kms away from where he stayed. So he agreed to drop her till his place and requested her to take the bus since he would be bored of driving for another 9 Kms. Finally the lady said that it was this 9 Kms stretch that she was afraid to travel since that place is a little deserted and kind of people that she finds on the bus are kind of shady. She approached him since she might have thought that he was a good & secure man, which is a big compliment from a woman. What do you think my colleague did? He tended to his job in the office and couldn’t drop the lady home. I am not saying this is right or wrong. These are day-day situations that we find ourselves in and there is no escaping it. Who is responsible for the safe landing of the lady at her place-> My colleague, the lady’s husband or the lady herself?

My colleague was lamenting about his behavior but he was like that. He was not proud about it neither was he doing anything about it. To add to the point I myself have seen this behavior with my own brother who had arranged for a call taxi so that I could be dropped at 10 PM in the night to board the bus on the outskirts of the city. He owns 2 cars though. Why the Taxi? Because the Worldcup finals were going on and he couldn’t miss it. All that time I was in the taxi I had this sick unrelaxing feeling in my stomach. You know how highways are with few people around. I reached this spot a little early and ended paying up the Taxi Guy 150 bucks extra so that I could sit in his car for 15-20 mins until my bus came or I could find another lady in sight. Finally I could see my bus around and was more than relieved. Those 20 minutes in the car felt like hours to me. All I am trying to say is that I had to buy my security that day. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother very much and I know that he will fight against the world for me. But how many of us can have and wait for such brothers on days like this? On that day I learnt this invaluable lesson that we are all responsible for our own safety no matter how secure/insecure our families makes us feel. I never booked a bus ticket at 10 PM after that (assuming someone else will take care of my arrival & departure). Now I am always off at 8 PM. I don’t know what would happen at the highway after boarding the bus but all I can control is this. Even if I have a flight at 4 AM in the morning, I reach the airport by 8 PM the previous night. Taking risks with your security & safety is never worth it.

Ladies and gentlemen here is the truth. Our country is boiling with a severe case of misplaced anger. I am not even going to make an effort to find out what is the root cause for this, is it sexual repression, ( with a population of more than 1 Billion, I don’t believe this) eating too much of chowmein ( Chinese folks would be raping left and right,no?), not wearing adequate clothes to cover our modesty( we are all walking in our bikinis and there is no imagination involved at all), and reasons galore…

Every day before going to bed if something is troubling me, I just ask myself one question->”Did you do your part?” this can be for any aspect of my life. What do I do for those countless nirbhaya’s? I am wondering if I already know one. There is no point in understanding. Or have we become so lost in our lives that we think our mothers, sisters, wives, daughters girlfriends can never become victims? How about yourself? I feel shallow. But what do I do my audience. All I can say is ‘To each his own.’

I am really unsure if I should be proud of myself or be ashamed to be a part of this society. Guess what the people who are reading this are folks who are just like you and me, who can echo with these sentiments and have been brought up with the same background and mentality. The ones who should be reading this are somewhere in reality asserting their manliness on some man or woman.

All said and done, it’s neither the government nor the goons but it’s a plea to the gods above where we have sent our Nirbhaya Chiriya (Fearless Sparrow) to ask God are you listening? I don’t know of any other doors to knock. Pls help. This country and generation needs you. Think we have lost our hopes, faith & belief with you along with this young girl. Pls send us all these 3 things back. A small ray of hope so that we can believe that the greater society is also an angel guardian for each and everyone in this country where we take care of one another and do not resort to tactics like this to vent out our frustations and disappointments. In the end I also want to join Ram Sampath in singing

“O ri Chiraiya, O Ri Chiraiya, Nanhi si chidiya, Angnaa mein phir aaja re, Andhiyara hai ghana aur lahu se sana, Kirno ke tinke ambar se chunn ke, Angna mein phir aaja re, Angna mein phir aaja”

Are you a Dreamer or an Alchemist?

Oftentimes we come across people, events, places, books that leave a lasting impression on us. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho is definitely one of them. The book is a balm; a balm that cures you of your disbeliefs and disappointments with life. Having read this multiple times in the last few years, I never seem to have gotten enough of it & the amusing part is that at every stage of my life whenever I have read it, it tells me something new, makes me see something new & takes me somewhere new.



Webster’s dictionary defines an Alchemist as someone, who spends his entire life in the quest for a magic formula, the formula that converts any base metal into gold. In short the Alchemist seeks to give everything the Midas touch.


We humans are constantly searching. The search for that someone-something-sometime- somewhere is eternal & endless in itself. You want to buy that car, you want to own that house, you want to be with that someone, you want to go on that foreign tour, you want to find God, et al. But the one that tops the list for most of us is ‘you want “The Job.”’ Have you ever wondered why?


Coming back to the book. It’s about a shepherd in Andalusia named Santiago. Santiago has a recurring dream which beckons him to the Pyramids to find a hidden treasure. Torn between the stability offered by his daily life and the adventures of this mystical journey, Santiago discovers his true calling and in the end reaches exactly where he had begun from. But, to complete this circle he goes through the cycle of desire, thrill, expectations, hope, anguish, despair, distrust, hardwork, belief, effort & ultimately fearlessness in the eye of the storm. Sounds very much like our stories. It is about the Pursuit of things that you truly desire.


“It’s the possibility of a having a dream come true that makes life interesting”. Almost every Indian household has a wannabe cricketer, singer, dancer, miss world and may be a Hollywood filmstar. We were all dreamers as youngsters, who couldn’t think of any possible obstacles. We were full of positive energy, confident and somewhere deep down we knew that it would happen coz it was just meant to be. But then something shifted between now and then. Today our chase is more about putting food on the table, complying with the obligations of adult life and hoping that our children fulfill our dreams & lead vicarious lives. Sad but true.


The author says that at some point in our lives we all buy into the greatest lies of the world-‘The inability to choose our destinies, the self-fulfilling prophecy of losing control, the belief that our lives are controlled by fate, the myth that, some nefarious, dark forces come into action preventing us from realizing our true potential’. But in reality, it is these forces which push us to the edge and get us an inch closer to our destiny. “People are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of.”


There is an old story that goes like this. A young boy wanted to know the secrets of happiness & so he decided to pay a visit to the wisest saint of the world. Upon reaching his place, the boy had to wait for long, since the saint was very sought after by both the rich and the poor. Finally when his turn came he asked the saint the secret of happiness? The saint advised him to roam around his palace with a spoon containing 2 drops of oil on it. The request was not to spill the oil. On returning back the saint saw that the oil drops were still intact but the boy had seen nothing. During the 2nd trip around the palace, the boy was mesmerized with what he saw but on his return there were no oil drops on the spoon. The takeaway -> ‘The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world and never forget that drops of oil on the spoon.’


Sometimes we are floundered with existential issues. Who am I? What am I doing here? What is my purpose in life? How do I make the most of it? The truth is we all have these answers deep within us. Right from the time we were born, we knew what we were here for Coz It’s Maktub. It’s written. All we beings are connected deep inside & once in a while we need to immerse ourselves in this universal current of life.


The rootcause of the most marvelous and splendid work that we see & hear of is due to one and only one reason. DESIRE. The universe is full of desires. She tries to see how do I bring this desire to fruition? So she plants these desires in us. The challenge here is she speaks only the language of souls and signs. It pains her a lot when she sees that a part of her (you & me) is struggling to find an outlet. She is constantly signaling to you but alas, you don’t speak her language since you have begun speaking a language that all of us speak but nobody truly understands. It’s superficial.


When Santiago had decided to chase his destiny, the universe sent him a guru named Melchizedek. Melchizedek was a wealthy king who had traversed through the same path just like Santiago, albeit the path here was of Passion. In Sanskrit a guru is defined as ‘the one who dispels darkness’. Going by the same logic, a guru is someone who brings light in your life and shows you the path that you should pursue. Someone who can hold our hand & tell us that “Fear not, you still have it in you.” This guru can be any form- a person, a book, a poem, an experience, a place, a song, the list is endless. Ultimately these are channels through which the universe tries to converse with us. Let’s add this Mentor also to the list of things that we keep looking for. Because this guru is going to become the lighthouse of your quest- a guiding post, a torch, a kick that is well deserved.


The ancient greeks would ask one question when any man died “Was he passionate?” Let’s pause here for a moment to recollect what you loved doing as a child? What are you passionate about? Tell me. Spell it out. Passion can be defined as something that keeps you satisfied, keeps you going, truly soaks you, frustrates you, challenges you, defeats you, grows on you, grows you but in the end leaves you better than you thought. Your passion is the driving force that will convert the coal (you) into Diamond. (Now isn’t that better than gold?).


At the end of the story, Santiago succeeds in finding his treasure but with some major detours. Although he moves around continents to find his true calling but in the end he comes back to where he started from, but as a completely new person. Probably this is the fact of life. Now you might want to argue with me saying that all this is good in fables. But mon amie in my view, fables should be read by adults more often than kids, to evoke & invoke, all those times and places that we visited as a child in our head. A Dream Track.


Coming back to reality. Yes we have grown and with that comes a certain amount of responsibility towards our families, our jobs, our lives, our health, et al. We cannot abandon these responsiblities. You have all the right to argue with me about it. But just hear me out a little more.

All of us lie somewhere in the area between 2 axes. Returns are what we get for doing any task and satisfaction quotient is how this task makes you feel at the end of the day. If you are at P3, probably you get excellent returns but you can’t feel your heart with you. There is a certain amount of void, whose existence you are trying to deny. Most of us like P3 because it’s easy to achieve & the obstacles are not very challenging. We fall for it every time. But guess what, some restlessness will start building within you. If you are at P4, you are exhilarated but you might not be able to do this all along because you need returns to survive in this world. Both points P3 and P4 are not sustainable & might end up sucking out the sheen and luster from your life. If you are one of those lucky ones to be around P1 or P2, then pls hold on to whatever it I that you are doing. Repeating the above mentioned story, one will be able to see all the Marvels of the world only when you are constantly trying to move near the Diagonal and not near the axes. The higher you move up the Diagonal the higher would be the quality of your life. Today, if you find 5 minutes for yourself, think if you really are chasing the one thing that brings the highest satisfaction quotient for you?



India has 1000s of entrepreneurs who fail at a phenomenal level. The survival ratio of any business installed by them is 10% and this number moves to the south every passing year. But even after losing everything, do you see them giving up? Nope, because it is the call of the universe that you have to respond to. She will try and test you, put you through the worst of situations & ultimately break you. Break you to see, if your desire is strong? It is at this stage that the Alchemist in you arises, speaks the language of the soul & emerges victorious. Coz things done with love and purpose can never go wrong.


Different plants grow in different seasons albeit the role remains the same. TO FLOURISH. Probably we are trying to do the same things at our workplaces as well. We do mean well, but we try to become Gold in areas where we are Irons and rust in areas where we are truly Golden. Sure Gold is highly valued but we can build houses only out of Iron. Both elements are useful but in different environments. Our quest for a better job also stems from the same fact. We force ourselves to fit in places that we don’t fit. No?


So what’s the point? My point is my friend Don’t give up. Our destinies were chalked out and written by the same hand that created everything else around us. Let’s continue to write our stories and see if the inks match. There will be 1000 naysayers who will discourage you from achieving your dreams, fill you with dread, tell you all their sad-sob-failure stories. So what do you do? Listen to that tiny little fella’s voice in your heart coz he is much more in sync with your desires.


We are all made up of the same 5 elements & are similar in more ways than we can think. Close your eyes, slowly make a wish and ask. Ask with all your heart, what is it that you want from this world. Once you make this wish each & every molecule, atom, nucleus of this universe will conspire to get you that. Practice that guitar that you have been trying to play, sing the songs that you want to sing, become the cricketer & deliver those shots, dance your way into life, bring alive the masterchef in you, open that boutique, do all the things that come naturally to you and then suddenly…suddenly one day you will find your treasure..And when you hit that treasure, you would have turned everything in your life into gold since you are no longer remain a dreamer but you become an Alchemist.

Weighty Issues

“Mirror Mirror on the wall who is the thinnest of them all”?

It’s you..it’s you..it’s you honey no doubt about it.

What caught my attention about this book was the image at the beginning of the 1^st chapter with a fat girl staring into the mirror, to find a thin one. No matter how many times I do this exercise with myself, even I see the same…what others don’t see. It’s kind of amazing to find that we live in a distorted world, with a distorted view, yet we want everything & everybody to be PERFECT. Isn’t that bizarre?

If we look at this world there are basically 2 types of people- One who are trying to lose weight and the others who are trying to gain some. I often think this is how we balance the world. Who cares about going green and all… Bring these weighty issues under control and I guess we are good to go. Don’t you think so? Anyhow…nowadays there is too much noise around people trying to lose weight.. well ..it seems that their size gives them the additional stamina to crib about their problems. My question ->where are all those skinny people and when are they coming out with a book to describe their trials and tribulations? Would like to hear their viewpoint as well. Although the most clichéd answer that I have ever heard is “Get Married and you will gain weight!!!” Oh boy that’s easy.

 Now let me pause here for a moment to congratulate Kalli Purie on coming out with her book “Confessions of a serial dieter” that is full of insights about what it feels to be inside the body of a fat person. An unabashed admission to what extent one is ready to go, in order to get that FAB-HOT body or just so to get acceptance amongst the larger set of audience who really don’t care about you or in this case to be there for your family without becoming a burden on them. It is definitely not easy.  Right from the beginning, Kalli has painted the picture of a person who is absolutely fascinated by the pains & pleasures that one can derive only by being in an honest relationship, except that this one was with food.

All of us juggle multiple things in our lives including family, work, friends, ME-time, etc, but what we tend to forget is our lifetime relationship with our body & food. Eating is like a love-hate relationship. I love you..I hate you..I love you..I hate you. You are yo-yoing every time & you do bounce back with stronger emotions. You love those moments when you are with it, feel comforted by it, taste it, are able to forget your blues, but hate it immediately, the moment it has made friends your fat cells. You can’t live with it, yet you can’t live without it. A jealous lover, aren’t you?

Kalli has very carefully delineated every little stage of her life with food. The things that constantly change are her dieticians, her diets & the weighing machines. The things that remain constant are her ever increasing weight and her nose-diving confidence.  What also doesn’t change is her appetite to find the right diet so that she can bring herself back to her correct weight.  Can you experiment with 43 diets in a span of 40 years? Only an eternal optimist can do it.

I used to think that the world revolved around money & power. But have come to the sad realization that everything in this world revolves around size & weight. We have all gotten good at perfecting the task of delaying simple experiences till we become of the right size or weight or to say “When I become perfect”.

“Ohh… I will buy that dress when I become 2 sizes smaller” , “I will go to that beach once I am bikini fit”, “ I will go to that trip when I am 57.3 Kgs, nothing more- nothing less”, “I will take that photograph when I have a 24” waist”, “I will be marriageable only if I lose weight.”  We have become an obsessed nation of weightlosers and weightgainers. Sadly our perceptions & opinions about someone whom we meet, also revolve around these parameters only.  So who is setting these standards for us?

As kids, all of us wanted to believe that if others could do something, so could we. What we realized in the end was that we have been cheated. Cheated coz we don’t understand that our body types are different. But who is to tell a 10 year old about body type. Most of us have been chubby as kids at some point or the other. So what’s the big deal? I remember days when I could pile on massive amounts of samosas, kachoris, jalebis, cakes, coke, all in one day and get away with it without putting on an ounce of weight. GUILT FREE…. My age and my weight thereafter have shown that some games are to be played only when you are a child. A child’s play in every sense.

“I want only the best.” This is the demand of this generation. Be it in terms of clothes, education, jobs, spouses…We all want better things in life and once we have found it we seldom settle for anything less. The joy that  a small rose bud could bring to you as a child, pales in front of what a bouquet of the most expensive orchids  can do to you right now beCOZ you have seen better.  Over the centuries of evolution, we humans have also found better things to wear, marry & eat. I have read somewhere that we basically have only 4 types of taste buds- Sweet, salty, sour and bitter. What ideally must have happened is we should have found better & healthier things to eat as well. But alas, this has been the opposite for most of us when it comes to food.  Today we have access to the best of chocolate cakes loaded with sugar, along with that roadside chatwala who churns out the most delicious of chats. Now eating that raw vegetable and fruit on its own doesn’t seem so exciting does it? Coz we have tasted better & now our taste buds refuse to entertain anything lesser by its standards. Fascinating.. all things have brains of their own.

Honestly there is loads of weight wisdom out there & I am not in any mood to give you a sermon on the same. But why is that every time we find a new book, video, magazine on a new diet or exercise regime we run like a mad (wo) man to purchase it, try it, only to realize that its old wine in a new bottle? This is something that even I catch myself doing… but who is to say its right or wrong. The heart wants what it wants. Probably deep inside we feel that someday we might become the poster girls of these books/magazines & show the world how we constantly struggled to fit into the high standards of this PERFECT world, that we have imagined for ourselves. And when we don’t see our faces in the next issue of that book/health magazine, we always have our mirrors to go back to where you see the world exactly as it should be!

Damsel in Distress

This story is about some people whom I met where I stayed and I slept with them. Oh noo. Nooo.. noo.. aiyyiyyo..do not get me wrong. They happen to be my roommates and we have separate beds and it’s a SHE. I have had the luxury of spending time with some nice people during my stay here. But that doesn’t mean that I would be denied a chance of meeting some devils. This one happens to be one.

My first roommate was a very nice bong lady. Very sweet in her talk as well as approach. Within a night she knew about my family and I knew about hers. Sometimes it’s easier to open up to strangers. My 2nd roommate was even better. My 3rd roommate was from HR and I never ever had a difficult time dealing with any of them. In fact I didn’t have to deal with them. Time passed with them pleasurably with some people asking if we knew each other since long. But with each roommate coming and going, there was always this anticipation within, that how would my next room mate be? This hat trick of fate of good roomies was too good to be true.

There comes in my 4th roommate. I come back in the evening. After enquiring at the reception, I was told that my roommate was in the room. I go upstairs and I ring the bell. Ting Tong….its more like ki kii…ki…ki….ki.kic..kick….wait now say it loud with me… ki kii…ki…ki….ki.kic..kick……yeah that’s my annoying doorbell. But there was no response..so I went again.. ki kii…ki…ki….ki.kic..kick…. no response. Now I suppress the urge to bang on the door. After a long tiring day, meeting all kinds of people+ JAs in the office+ some non –stop staring in the bus, you don’t want to come home and bang on the door. From underneath the door I could see that there was no light in the room. So I assumed she might be in the bathroom. So I go again ki kii…ki…ki….ki.kic..kick….How long does it take to wrap up that business after 4-5 bells?

Now I reach the reception. “My roommate is not opening the door”. They asked me if I rang the bell. I said I did it thrice. One.. Two.. Three. Thrice. But there is no response. Ma’am since you rang the bell and you could hear it, that means that the key holder, the source of power in our room, must have the key in it & so your room must have your room mate in the room. With each second passing, I didn’t get a good feel of this new one. After making several telephonic calls to my room for 2-3 minutes he agreed to let me in using a duplicate key. Searching for duplicate keys took him another 5 minutes and I couldn’t stand this anymore.

So I climb those 16 stairs again and walk 25 footsteps to my room and then again ring the bell. ki kii…ki…ki….ki.kic..kick….This time I trying fiddling around with the doorknob and EUREKA it opened. It opened and I was shown the room. It was pitch dark with the key holder having the key but all lights switched off.
Now I am mad. I am mad as to how can people be so careless not caring enough to lock a door when they are sharing their belongings with others too? So I call up the receptionist & tell him very firmly that I couldn’t risk such things again and asked him to tell my room mate not to repeat this in future. He agreed.

It’s dinner time. I forget to lock my purse and plonk it in on a chair in my room and try to get as fast as possible to reception to deposit the key and move to the dinner room to feed the rats jumping in my stomach. After having a sumptuous dinner, I go back to the reception who says that the key is with my roommate. Oh no.. this is happening again..i went back to my room and it was DEJAVU…I thought I was dreaming for a while. But then no. it was true. It happened again. She didn’t lock the door, but the key was there in the room and all the lights were switched off. I am pissed now. This time the risk being much much higher. After all my purse on the chair has all valuable lotions, sunscreens, lipgloss, scarfs, comb, Kajal, face cream and all the stuff without which I would look like a complete dork. This is an offence. Punishable offence.

I eat some chocolates and try to bring down my BP. I go to the washroom. It’s all wet. Wondered if a tsunami had come in. Indians need some serious training on bathroom etiquettes. I ignore and gently tread in. Its 11 and there are no signs of my room mate. I had seen some documentaries on discovery channel talking about the existence of paranormal or supernatural powers existing in some rooms. Yeah sometimes even guesthouses. Haunted houses. I wondered if I had been a victim of that with the entire thing being a dream and me dreaming in a dream. But then my doorbell goes ki kii…ki…ki….ki.kic..kick….and I am shaken out of my reverie.

There stood a lady who was coughing, had long hair and was looking tired. I found that she was my roommate. Then she started telling me that she was from so and so town from the south part of the country and probably has never been outside that place and doesn’t know any other language also. She didn’t like this place, the food, the people and the usual rigmarole. I hmmmned for a while and then attacked. I asked her why she didn’t lock the door. She said “I didn’t know how to? ” (Whatttt? Voices in my head)( Calm down archie.. calm down…Another voice in my head). “Ok no issues”. I manage to get a smile on my face and give her an immediate demo on “how to open and close the door in the guest house” at 11 PM in the night. I have never ever given training during that time of the night let it be to my onsite or offshore team.

Then I go to sleep. Then I heard those familiar voices. Voices of people speaking in my mother tongue but on TV. On channels that I detest but my mother adores. They beat the crap out of me. I somehow fall asleep bracing myself to the thoughts that this agony was going to continue for another 4 weeks, for that’s how long my new roommate stays. Oh did I tell you her name? Her name means one of the beautiful breathtaking apsaras of heaven. I do not know what these damsels did for 1000s of years back but I can tell what this one did. She had some of her traits carried with her for years.

Day2 she asks me if I like the food. How are they cooking the food here? The quality of rice is awful and what is that thing that is round and made out of wheat. It’s so thin (yes she was referring to the chapattis). And what is that thing so thin and yellow in color. Its nothing compared to what they make back at home. Non-stop nonsense for 3 minutes. I heard her out and then went straight for dinner. She was still sick.

Anyway, after coming back to the room she dives into the bed. Straight. I mean straight. You have dinner and then straight to bed. You do not even change your office clothes. Then you wake up after 10 minutes realizing that you forgot to sip water. Before you sleep or you get up there are some rituals to be followed. Emmm….hmmmmm…hmmm….ummmmm….ehm…..jhk,mmm….
Put that in a loop and play it 10 times..with different voice modulations. Breathe heavily and take in oxygen slowly and gently push it out too, with other noises, whatever you can make. Then there is adjusting of the throat with whatever you have in it. And all the above happens with my presence in the room without an utterance of “Excuse me” from the other party.

Day3- She is shaking today. I take sympathy and give her one of my stoles which might keep her warm. She takes it and keeps it on her bed. Again there is some grumbling about food. Then are some talks about how she wants to get married and how she has been forsaken in the good darnned place and how she has to go back and save the world. Rather save her world and get married by conducting some pre-marriage rituals.

I do not understand those rituals so I ask honesty, “What are those rituals?” She replies “You know those rituals.” I again poke and ask “What rituals ma.. I know nothing Pls explain”. Now I am curious. Deep silence. Then she admits that even she doesn’t know but there are some rituals to be performed. I hope they are no black magic. Then there is this desperate desire within her to run out of this place and how she longs to go back. Yeah I know I am repeating but this is what has happened. Now she pops the question “Should I inform someone in the office when I am leaving the project?” I am too numbed.
(Whhhatttt??? Did I hear you right…You duffer..you… you….. don’t you inform your manager. You know your manager right? I’m psyched out. You have 4 years of work experience under your belt and you ask me this question.. OMG..What should I do? What should I do? I have tears in my eyes, tears of self pity. I ask myself what did I do to deserve this.)

Oh no it doesn’t stop at this. After being in the guest house for about a week some ask me
- Where is the laundry? Its right in front of where you have had food 21 times in the last week.
- Will they reimburse the laundry money to me? ( Ask your manager na)
- Don’t we get cold water? I turned the knob they have only cold water. (Try turning the other knob, honey)
- Don’t they have shower here? (oh no not Again…)
- Where do I dry my clothes? (Areeee…)

She sleeps before me and wakes up after me. So how does she know when do I sleep and when do I wake up? On this unfortunate day I wake up late only to find her occupying the bathroom. Its 7:30 in the morning. When I told her if she could vacate since she has got to go late, she says she has a meeting at 8 and since I normally woke up at 7:30 she thought that would be fine. Now how on earth did you know I woke up at 7:30 when you slept early and woke up after I leave? I persisted and left before her. What kind of meeting are they conducting at 8 in the morning with new comers required?

Everyday there are new set of questions which are ready to zonk me. I politely answer and pretend to dig into a book. Now that people are slowly recovering, so are their annoying habits. More energy->more annoyance-> less time at work.-> 0 travel time->More time in front of the TV-> More of south Indian channels-> More Amrutanjan Balm for me. She was hooked on hopelessly. On a fine day I caught her watching some reality police crime scene show. These shows create unnecessary fear and anxiety in us. Very less of what they show is true and more of publicity and grossness. Again I am curious. Honestly. When asked why she wants to watch such things the answer is “I am not allowed to watch such things at home. It’s profane. It’s tabooed.” How old are you honey? 24-25. My mouth is still open.

Since last few days I find my stole lying on her bed. After some days I get the message & take back my stole & don’t give it back. People don’t even have the courtesy to wash it or dry clean it once they have used it. What was I thinking when I gave it to her. Cheeeee…

The routine continues. It’s weekend. She gets up and the 1st thing to be done is? Yes you guessed it right. Turn on the TV baby. Again some familiar voices and the same old story. You don’t want people doing that to you on a Sunday morning. Oh by the way, she doesn’t like go out during weekends. She just likes to eat-sleep-watch TV- do some eummm….hmmmn.. u…..etc. You know right. That’s Saturday and Sunday for her. I come back on Saturday evening and try to use the washroom. This time it’s still tsunami but with the tsunami there are some remains in the sink that makes me want to puke. There are tissues everywhere, water and handful of hair in the sink.

I go out and request her to clean up that mess. Her phone goes “Tring Tring”. So I wait patiently till the interesting call of how are you? Did you eat? What did you eat? Goes on endlessly. Once done I again request her.

Me: would you mind cleaning up that place?
SHE: I do not know what to do with it? It feels weird. (Desperation in voice).
Me: Sorry I didn’t get you. Can you clean up the place?
SHE: I have never done that before. (Plea in her voice)
Me: No problem. Come here. Ill help you out.
SHE: No I won’t do it. I have never done this. How can I remove my own hair (from the head).
Its so eee..(Disgust in her voice)
Me: Why can’t you do it? It’s your hair. I cannot bath there with your stuff lurking around. Pls clean it up.
SHE: All the maids at my place take care of this. I do not do such things. It’s beneath me. (Annoyance in her voice).
Me: Can you please clean it up? (Authority in my voice).
SHE: When I stayed in hostel and other places, all my roommates have lived like this. We adjusted. They never complained. (Anger in her voice).
Me: (How disgusting were your room mates. How can you live in a place with 80% of your sink clogged with hair) Can you Pls clean it up? Even I have stayed with room mates and I have never ever lived like this. (Threat in my voice)
SHE: (Her highness got emotional). NOBODY HAS EVER SPOKEN TO ME LIKE THIS. EVER
Me: (in my head) Yes Ms. Damsel. The apsara from heave,n why don’t you carry a maid of yours who can tail with you. It would be easier to survive. You have been doing that for ages. In which birth did you forget her? Where did you lose her? Let’s go find her. Lets go.

I have heard a lot about how breathing exercises are beneficial for one’s health. They do something something to you and you are healed of many diseases. There is one exercise called “Kapabhati” which is considered to be very effective. It consists of rapid breathing taking in lots of oxygen and releasing a larger amount of carbon-di-oxide. I found myself a victim of someone else’s kapalbhati.

With all the energy that she could summon, she started performing an exaggerated version of kapalbhati, sucking in the oxygen that even I had to breathe and called up housekeeping to clean up the room. I went running to the balcony to find some air. Uff…some fresh air. Some fresh air..aahaah..

That was the end of it. Housekeeping fellow came and cleaned the room. We never spoke again after that incident. Then comes in Sunday. On Sunday evening as I planned to stay outside the room, I came back to collect my stuff for the night and left in a hurry. In this hurry I had forgotten some stuff that made me go back to my room and perform the kii…ki…ki….ki.kic..kick ritual again. Now at 10 o clock in the night, when you are deep into the TV and have to move 10 inches to open the door, it’s a herculean task you see. So it took her about 2 minutes to open the door and before that a lot of ….hmmmmm…hmmm….ummmmm….ehm…..jhk to get out of her bed. I bet even an 8 month old pregnant lady would have been much more active. Well that’s the female damsel JA for me.

Now we sleep in silence, walk in silence, do everything in silence but there is constant fight for the control over the remote. If I reach earlier, the remote is undeniably mine. Since the last few days I have the control on the remote, which makes her dive into the bed ever earlier. I play it late into the night and in the morning I pull the curtains so that some light can penetrate in her life. Some people can get the devil out of me.

All said and done, I still have one last question. I get very curious these days. Will she ever wash her hair again?

Ladies- Easy Ways to Feel Good

Instant Gratification for Ladeeegz ONLY

1. Eat Chocolates
2. Buy New clothes and wear them.
3.Buy a new pair of heels and feel 2-3 inches taller. The view up there looks really good.
4.Have a nice hot bath with bubbles n ducks floating around.
5. Wear nice perfume.
6. Get a haircut.
7.Wear make up and feel brand new.
8.Gossip with your friends about someone you dislike. Will make you feel good about yourself.
9.Go out of your house and roam around in the crowd.
10.Hear someone has failed in an exam->gloat and realize that all of us are in the same ship.
11.Make eye contact with a desperado and see what it does to you. (Pls beware of gays).
12.Eat something really fatty
13. Listen to loud music and even better howl along.
14.Ride a bike or your car.
15.Get drenched in the rain.
16.Watch nice movies in a theatre with popcorns, samosas and yes do find a sponsorer.
17.Jump up and down on your bed.
18.Play with your dog.
19.Buy something new.
20.Take a stick and beat your mattress.
21.Apply Navratna Tel and feel Kewl.
22.Go to your terrace and scream out your lungs.
23.Ring somebody’s doorbell and run without looking back.
24. See how far you can stretch your lips to the north, while looking in the mirror.
25. Sleep.
26.Get a foot & back Massage.
27. Wait for your salary day. Even better wait for you husband's salary day :P
28.Eat Pani Puri.
29.Put somebody's face on the Dart board and aim for it. ( U know who...)
30.Wink your eyes as fast as you can and speak simultaneously. Check who wins your mouth or your lashes
31. Turn round and round and round till you lose your senses
32. Many more.....

For Men
1. Drink
2..
.
.
.
31. Drink.

Are you there yet?

The clock is ticking. When you look back, your childhood days look eons behind, you look into the mirror your face looks a lot different, your body almost sags and aches. All of a sudden you start feeling old. When you look ahead you don’t know where you are going. Yet you run. You run from your past. You run towards your future. You run from everything you have known till date. You want everything around you to change which hasn’t changed in years. You don’t know what you are chasing yet you feel something is chasing you. What is it?

You want to stop it and you “Take a break”. Yet you do not know what your break is all about, only to feel that the entire world has left you behind. Are they actually running? You don’t know, yet you think you HAVE to run. You run with full steam pushing and shoving people around as if they will never catch up with you. You don’t have time to explain to anyone. Coz you know you cannot Stop coz they are still chasing you. Who are they? You still don’t know.

You look at the clock it’s still ticking. You feel when you reach THERE you will get a better view- It will all be OK. You don’t know what it looks like yet you want to reach there. You have left most of them behind now or rather derailed them. But you still aren’t there. You only know you are somewhere close to THERE. So you start compromising. You start compromising saying it will all come back to me. You want it all to come to you. You start hatching new schemes to reach there with people you never knew before. Coz now you cannot stop Running. You are hooked on to it.

When you reach THERE you find the view is not what you expected it to be. Now you want to see more since you see the clock is still ticking. Now you want a NEW THERE. So you run again. This time with all your past and self confessed learning and wisdom. You no more want to be with the people you were with before. Every time you want a new costume and a new stage.
With lots of wear and tear you reach the NEW THERE. It’s good but not appealing as the next THERE. So you compromise & run again with the same people you hatched schemes with. This continues till you reach a spot where you see that people are no longer the same. All of them want to OWN the new THERE. So you fight this time with all your might only to find that you have been pushed and shoved around this time. So you go back to the OLD THERE since you find yourself incapable of moving ahead.

The OLD THERE no longer exists. Shattered you go back to on a reverse Trail to find all your OLD THERE. With much anguish you muster all your courage and go back to the OLD THERE only to be disappointed again. You still run. Finally you reach a terrain that looks familiar. You see familiarly unfamiliar faces. You feel you know them yet you do not know them. What kind of ambivalence is this? Finally you find a mirror that beckons you. You look into and this time you see a perfect stranger standing in front of you. You almost scream with tears rolling down your eyes. Everything comes back to you in a flash.

You hear a distant voice. Someone is shaking you. You wake up and find the same mirror in front of you. You look a little old, some wrinkles are there on your face, you have put on weight, you tummy shows, you sag. You look positively ghastly. But when you look around you find some questioning eyes? It’s your family. You feel relieved & jump out of joy. You smile & hug every one of them only to realize that you had a nightmare.

You continue on your routine and this time you don’t run. You sprint with joy coz you don’t need any more nightmares to tell you how to reach THERE coz You are already THERE.

That thing called Love

L.O.V.E- This 4 lettered word can mean so many things to so many people. She definitely is not easy to find these days in the purest of forms. Everything has gotten commercialized.

Was speaking to some colleagues today. One was dead against love marriages and had surrendered to his family to get married to a girl of their choice. On the other side of the spectrum was this friend, who was marrying the man of her dreams, but had very clear cues from her family that they might not be able to come to her rescue if something goes wrong with it, since it was a love marriage. I do not have much of an opinion about marriages or love. But should one deprive oneself of such beautiful feelings or should a cost benefit analysis be done before getting on this adventurous path?

On speaking to this fellow I understood that he must have been madly in love considering the kind of fun loving and adorable person he is. God Bless him & may he find what he wants. But then why these restrictions? People talk about all kinds or crap like short term and long term view but isn’t love and marriage more about your commitment, faith and trust in your partner, that no matter what comes they’ll always be there for you?

With the little bit of knowledge I have I am assuming that it’s going to be one in a million case if one finds their sweetheart in their own community. If people cannot cross that boundary called family’s happiness or society’s view (Samaj) or have the gut that they would be able to maintain that fine balance, then why do they fall in love? May be that feeling is so alluring, blessed, complete and fulfilling that in that one moment one is ready to forget their own existence and give into that moment. It’s tempting or sheer peer pressure.

Is it just the experiment that they like to try and see if they get favorable results and make it to the finishing line called Marriage or satisfaction? How many of them get to the finishing line with the blessings of their families?

At the end of this life all of us want to look back and see that we have spent a life well lived with someone who has made it much easier for us, than we ever thought it could be. Then why these doubts when you find that eternal part of yours which the supreme power separated from you in the beginning and tested if you could find that part of yours in this lifetime.

Days at the Doc's

A doctor’s clinic is the last place anybody would want to be. The smell, the stench, sick people and the injections.OMG. But at times the greatest of joys are found in the ugliest of places.

My breathing had been laborious all through the day. In order to put an end to it, I visited my doctor after a span of 4 months. As I waited for my turn to come, I found that some small changes had been made at the doctor’s. The clinic used to have a self-numbering system handled by the patients themselves, in order to visit the doctor. During my earlier days, I had found it amazing that so much of discipline existed amongst all of us. I thought it was very civil on everybody’s part to play such a role without being supervised. But after this change, I assumed that the Doc must have met with some unpalatable experiences, when he decided to introduce this system. Hmmn.

The new system consisted of a 10-year old, sitting outside the doc’s room with some small number tokens in his hand with a register alongside, where the patients would write their names, as is done in many other clinics. Aaah the pressure of compliance. When I spoke to the kid I found him very shy, who tried real hard to assert himself, when certain pushy patients tried to jump the line. Nevertheless, he did a good job of holding the fort all by himself.
Once done with the registering process, I found that I had forgotten to carry a book to read. But my guardian angels were at work and then came in 2 little rascals-a little girl and a little boy. It was love at first sight.

The boy was entirely in his own world. The mother looked exhausted but his antics were good supplements to boost her up. The young fellow was around 5 years of age and was already making a very good attempt at impersonating Superman with his handkerchief tied around his neck ,serving as his robe, which hardly reached his shoulders, but who cares he was already flying high. He was not the one to go easy on the sound effects and was now throwing his robe, ehhh , his handkerchief violently up and down and tried catching it with his face. In this process he swept the windows, the doors, the floor and sometimes even his mother’s face. But nobody cared because the kid was happy & jubilant. He even made an attempt to jump from a foot tall bench on to another bench which was around 10 feet away, which even his grandfather wouldn’t have been able to jump. But reality was far away from his mind. He jumped, rolled, twisted, circled and just did everything a 5 year old ought to do.

After losing interest from the handkerchief, the boy concentrated on his mother. Her dupatta, her legs, her purse, her cell phone, nothing was spared. Tired as the mother was, she gave him the usual dose, all mothers provide their kids from time to time. This weapon in the armor of Mothers is called “The fear of Injections”. She requested the 10-year old supervisor to get a huge injection, specially invented for her son. The effect was instant silencing of the once noisy child. I remember my mother using such scare tactics on me. She would go to the extent of telling me that somebody named Umachi( Synonym:: God) would come and poke me in the eye during night time, if I didn’t finish my meals. I still do not know where Umachi is & how many eyes he has poked till now. But trust me, I do finish my meals completely till date.

Meanwhile the elder one had started indulging in what we call voyeuristic pleasure these days. She found it amusing to look from the glass windows which were poorly designed and one could peep inside the doctor’s room. This is what we would have called conflict of interest in the adult world. The peeping had put our young supervisor at dis-ease and he tried to reassert that he was the man in the room & everybody got to listen to him. But alas, girls always know how to get their ways.

Now it was my turn to be scrutinized. After few smile-exchanges the girl who was now bored of peeping found some interest in me and enquired my name. I asked hers and she said it was “Niyati” and added that her brother’s name was “Nishit”. Then she stressed upon the fact that “Both of us have NI in our names”. I nodded and praised her for being very observant. Kids say all kinds of things, don’t they? I had read somewhere that God provides an unborn child with all the knowledge of the world. But before entering the world, he signs a pact with them by saying shhh and puts his finger on their lips, saying it’s their little secret. This is how all of us get the indentation mark on our lips. Anyway, the only thing I am wondering now is what all darn things I had told people when I was young. Gawd help them.

Nowadays my braces have gotten me attention from some very unusual guests. This 3 year old, was unbelievably talkative and had a curious bent of mind. She was attracted by the cover of the book I was reading and wanted to know which page I was reading. I handed over the book to her. This small act had gotten the eyeballs of the entire audience in the room. The little one didn’t disappoint me. She flipped through the pages and on due prompting from her mother returned the same to me. Then she put her finger on her teeth and asked me what was that thing in my mouth when I smiled. I said those were called Braces. Assuming that I was in pain she asked me one question, “Why don’t you brush, it will go away?”. The room was filled with laugher.

It only left me wondering, kids have such a simple way of looking at life. Nothing is complicated. They ask the most simplest of questions, do the simplest of acts and derive the greatest of pleasures from things ,whose existence we have long forgotten. They may not be realistic, but they are hugely optimistic. All these kids have made my visits to the doctors extremely enriching & memorable. I am looking forward to meet many more such little geniuses, who bring truck loads of unbridled joy in the lives of all they know and do not know. Well, have you met any little rascals lately?