It’s often said that parents pass on all their irrational fears and phobias to their kids. My mother had two of them. Fair she has always been and so was she when it came to her phobias- The cockroaches and the lizards. It wasn’t a will or an estate where you had to claim your stake it was nevertheless automatic. The cockroaches were bestowed upon my sister and by default the lizards fell in my lot.
It’s so strange when I think of cockroaches- They come in all shapes, colors and sizes. But my sister had a typical phobia of the 1-2 inch long ones. At times I feel all of them choose their victims very carefully. Once a flying cockroach launched itself on my sister’s back & not on mine. Scared as she was she let out a scream which brought out my mom’s protective instincts. Thuddd... came her hand on my sisters back. But alas the enemy had already fled to safe shelters with my sister crying all the more with a shattered back. I don’t think she remembers the cockroach but she remembers my mom’s attempt to protect her.
I cannot recall my earliest of encounters with the lizards. My memory says it was in the early 90s that I embarked upon a journey which I do not think will ever come to an end. There is something eerie about them. I don’t like their eyes or the way they move or the way they keep sensing the environment around them by letting out their tongues. Eee... They are believed to be harmless but their sight is enough to get the devil out of me.
Summers at our hometown were harsh and a cooler would be our savior. I and my sister would take turns in filling up water in the cooler. I detested this duty since every time I had to do a kind of a tango with my best friends- the lizards. Yes I said in plural coz you never know how many were in there taking shelter under the cooler.
My sister was adept at getting rid of them. She could shoo them away like a pro. But consumed with fear as I was I could never get a hold on it and would let out a holler when I looked at them. I wonder why I never enrolled my name in the Guinness book of world records for the sharpest scream ever. I would have won hands down. When I tried to shoo them to the right they would move to the left & vice versa. It seemed like they would come charging on me. I seriously hated them.
Summers were also the time when the entire household was cleaned up. We had a huge house and it had lots of cupboards made out of wood. Now it’s not something new to say that the bigger the house the larger the capacity to dump. So every summer mom would want to ensure all her dumps were stored properly. Now these tasks were very shrewdly scheduled by mom when both I and my sister would be at home. The cupboards at the bottom were infested with cockroaches and the ones on the top with lizards. So you can figure out for yourself what was the allocation.
Since the cupboards at the top outnumbered the ones at the bottoms I had to brace myself to meet the enemy. With my heart in my mouth I would open the cupboards. I would knock on the cupboard door with the broom for a good 5 minutes and then only dare to open it. Sometimes I would really get lucky. All the cartons at the top would be filled with the end product of the male and female lizard’s attempts to increase their tribe. This was my golden opportunity to nip the enemy in the bud and I did a good job. During family outings for more than a week we would always be greeted by floating dead lizards in our buckets. Once when I tried opening up a cupboard I found a dry lizard which fell off. I simply wanted to throw up.
Cleaning up the shoe rack also took turns. Once I found a youngling which tried to run in the house. But with a dog around we had to be careful and I tried to write him off from the face of this earth. But the young fellow was shrewd enough and he left me his tail as a souvenir & oh yeah it was still shaking. You might ask why I didn’t take help from my sister. But as you know the dynamics between siblings works like a balance sheet. It has to tally. The number of appearances which the lizards liked to make was far more than what the nocturnal cockroaches did. So I had taken all the help I could get from her and if I asked for more she would want some other kind of favors from me which wouldn’t soothe my ego.
Staying together surely had its advantages. Whenever I had stayed with people at least one of them was able to get rid of the lizard. When I moved to Mumbai I started staying alone and I never ever realized that the enemy would be watching me. The enemy attacked me at the most critical of times. The time when I was late for office and had to get a bath. I open the door of my bathroom and bammm I could see him with his dirty eyes staring at me. How hard had I tried to shoo him away. Ultimately I had to call upon my neighbor to do the honors. Over a period of time this became a ritual. Now whenever my neighbors saw me ring their door bell they would say “ohh the poor thing must have met a lizard.”
It was out of experience that I had decided that I should leave such things to the experts. Once I was all alone in my single room kitchen apartment and I saw something crawling on the floor. Cockroach I thought but i was in for a rude surprise. I do not sweat usually. But with my best friend around I was sweating heavily in the middle of winter. I let out a sharp scream & finally won the battle after a good half an hour. Oh the turmoil I went through.
One should diversify. So one day when I again met my enemy I called upon a friend on my cell. He lived two blocks away. When I told him about the urgency he almost rolled on the floor with laughter. He had tried desperately to catch hold of the small lizard but managed to throw it out in 3 pieces all with his hand. I only hoped he wouldn’t tell my colleagues about the incident who already wanted to gift me a bucket of lizards on my birthday.
Life moved on. Now also I live in an apartment on the top floor. But my constant companions never leave me alone. So the first thing I did was to secure my house. I never ever open the windows of my house coz prevention is better than cure. Strict instructions are given to all the guests of my house as to not to open any windows.
One day to my surprise when I had opened the door of my house early in the morning to keep out my garbage can little did I know whom I was inviting? A small friend had let himself in my living room and ran under my divan on which I slept. I couldn’t sleep anymore. I was already standing on a chair with a broom in my hand. But age & experience had made me wiser and I called my neighbor to rescue me, yet again. Early in the morning at around 6:30AM she came in and the lizard gave her a tough time for about 10 minutes. All this time I was still standing on top of a table in my kitchen.
I have made some brash attempts to cure this phobia of mine. Recently i visited a croc park where i met the bigger and wilder versions of lizards.- The crocodiles. There was a counter where they would allow you to hold a 1 year old 2 feet long croc in your hand and take pics. It was a paid service. This was my time to show off my courage.I told my uncle to take a snap of mine within seconds of holding the croc since i knew i wouldnt be able to hold him for more than a minute. Ugly as he was with a 100 teeth that were growing everyday, may be to bite me, had the luxury of sitting on my lap and be shot. I almost screamed and shouted for the entire time he was with me. But i felt good once i was done coz i held him. I am very sure if someday someone asked me to hold a lizard even for a nanosecond and gave me a 1000 bucks i would faint and have a heart attack.
I seriously do not know where this thing is going to lead me. But I have laid down some ground rules. It doesn’t hurt to make friends with your neighbors and ask for help. It doesn’t hurt to call your friends at odd times. It doesn’t matter if you fear something’s. I am also sure that one of the qualities that I look in my partner would be “No fear of Lizards”. But whether he fears them or not I am sure I am going to pass on this phobia to one of my kids and continue the family tradition. And at that time when I see the enemy yet again I will have company to scream along with. After all the more the merrier.
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